Tuesday, 3 March 2015

My last post seems to have touched a nerve

Going by the amount of responses to the last post I made, I thought I would stay on this subject and elaborate a little more.

I started out in this industry when the Internet became the medium to advertise for a working girl.
We (working girls)  fell into different categories at that time.

I am only talking about my own end of the market here - not the parlour girl or the street girl.  I never worked in either of these genres.

I am speaking from my own personal  experience , and so if I am wrong, I would welcome any responses from anyone who knows more, but this is my 'take' on the scene at that time.

Ladies like myself worked for agencies.  This is how I began.  I had a profile but no photos - they came later.  The agency had a 'box' advert in the local paper and men would call from their hotel room wanting company, or from home.

The boss would tell the guy she had 50 ladies on her books.  (At best it was 12)

She would lie through her teeth to the customer.  Her motto was to never lose a call, and she usually achieved this !

I would be sent out under various names, with various body stats and various ages according to what the client desired.  I could be anything from late twenties to fifty, and the clients never turned me away.  Most of them called back, so I must have been doing something right.

Later we moved into the twentieth century and got a website and photos.  This was good for me personally as the phone rang off the hook, but bad for her as she could no longer get away with some of the outrageous lies she told.

Eventually I got fed up with all the lying which was not exclusive to the clients, and the cap she placed on my earnings plus the obscene amount of money she took from me in fees so I moved off and went Indie.

Ladies who are independent have their own website, do their own marketing and answer their own calls.  They may or may not have a pimp.

A decent independent lady will not need to lie about her age or stats but some of them get plastic surgery etc etc and do lie in order to preserve their shelf life. If the lady looks good and is a good service provider, I don't have a problem with this unless they really take the piss. Some of them use old photos, but I always think that if a lady has been in the business for a long time she must be doing something right.  Ladies come and go in this industry.  Clients vote with their feet, and if a lady is not truthful about herself the phone will not ring.

I love some of the lies I read on ladies profiles - they really take the biscuit.  They like you to know they don't really have to be doing this you know...  they previously had a successful career as a model or using that degree they all tell you they have, and loads of them like to say they went to Uni................ yeah...........  pull the other one dear :)

They make out they are 'awfiully busy' but some of them live on 'twitter' and their availability is endless..............

The lies only work if the reader is well versed in poetic licence :)

Then come the body stats.  Some of these ex models look like wrestlers.  How they can tell you they are a size 14 having previously worked as a model I wonder what on earth they modelled??


You can't have a 38DD bust and still be a size 14.  A 38" bust means you have a broad back.  I have a 36" bust and say I am a size 16, but then I am too honest for my own good

You can't have a 40" bust and say you are a size 10. You can't. You really can't.  You must be a bloody freak, or a moron........  anyone who advertises like this take the second option.  Have it on me you fool.

My advice to the guy looking for a lady is to research carefully.  If a lady advertises at that 'magic size 14' then beware the lie.  Then again I see some BBWs locally to me who say they are a size 16.  They make me look like an anorexic at the side of their enormous bulk and yet we are the same dress size.

These women trade on your gullibility.  We know it don't we girls!  It's a licence to print money for some.  daft thing is, there are men who like to see larger ladies, they positively love them.  I say to those ladies to love your body and tell people the truth about it :)  Go on.... go on..  g'won..

To the potential punter looking to do this for the first time, I say "into the lions den" and hope you come out the other side mentally unscathed.  As you leave through the front door they are rushing out the back to Maccy Dees :-)

It's none of my business what other ladies do, but when a client comes through the door and expresses surprise at my size saying he thought I would be bigger than this, or older, that is when I know he expects every lady he sees to be a liar.  We are not all the same.

LOL

Sunday, 1 March 2015

There's a lot to be said for bigger girls !

You think it's just the mainstream media view of women that makes the skinny girls appear to be more desirable?  You should take a look at the industry I am involved in then my friend !

I am a bigger girl.  There's no mistaking that.  I embrace my curves.  I actually like being this shape.  Sometimes I lose a little weight and don't like what I see in the mirror.  I am happy with 'me' you see.

My shape is what they probably call 'hourglass'.  This means I have fat in some places but not in others.

My dress size is somewhere around the size 16 mark.  If I buy a coat or a jacket it will be a size 16-18, and that is because of my breasts.  They sometimes spoil a good look !
If I buy a dress it will be a 16, and if I buy trousers or jeans or a skirt it will always be a 14.

I have slim long legs.  I'm not really a size 16 you know, but if I were to say I was a 14 I would not be telling the truth.  When people meet me they say I am not as big as they thought I would be.  It's the size 16 tag that makes you think 'big'.

There are some plus size models around.  I recently found Ashley Graham when surfing around the other day, and she is a size 16.  We are not the same in body shape.
Obviously I am much older than she, so she is far more toned than I am (even though I s/exercise:) but she is smaller than me at the top and bigger than me at the bottom end.  My legs are slimmer than hers, but hers are more toned than mine.  What a beautiful girl  don't you agree?  She is perfect in my eyes.

Celebrate the curvier girl !

When I write my profile I say I am curvaceous, because I am.  In my industry the much larger ladies tend to call themselves 'BBW' which stands for Big Beautiful Woman.  A lot of them state they are curvy too, and I do not doubt that for one minute.  In fact one of the sexiest most attractive ladies out there was a BBW, and she just oozed sexuality............  but...  this curvy word...  that we all seem to use..  it's universal, but it's also subjective.

.It seems that some people 'own' a word and then it sort of categorises anyone else who dares to use it, and people seem to think that if a lady says she is curvy that is in fact a BBW.  I have seen size 8 ladies who are curvy.

Then there are the other ladies who say they are a size 14, but look far bigger than I in their photos.  One wonders how these women get repeat work when they are clearly lying about their body shape - but hey - that's this industry.
Maybe their real talent is in what they do/who they are ??  What they don't realise or care about is that ladies like me who are honest about their body shape are judged as a liar.

If you lie about your body shape/size, then what else might you be you lying about??

A curvy but not fat girl cannot win.

The use of photographs is helpful, but then you get people saying the photos are ten years old...........

Take a look at this photo of Ashley  Oh my word.  Isn't she just wonderful ?

And what about this one?

When I see truly beautiful  ladies like her, who are admired and successful in their own field it really makes me realise that people do like to see a nice looking woman no matter what shape she may be, if she dresses well and has that certain 'something', which I identify as an inner confidence.

We can be any shape can't we girls?  It's not about that, it's about the lady herself, but if you are like me and do have those curves, it would be a shame to hide them away :)   If you are a BBW embrace that body is what I say !

Just don't call me fat.  You can call me phat if you like :)


Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Claudia Lawrence

I have written about Claudia previously on this blog but that post  is now archived.

Some time ago I took a break from blogging, but I missed being able to talk freely about my work for one thing,  so I decided to restart writing but try not to include anything of a personal nature any more,  which is why I don't tell you now about what goes on in my private life.

It is a decision I made because of my desire to protect my family.  How can I tell you I an entitled to privacy when I tell you things that are personal to me?
 I cant, and that is quite sad because the reason I wrote like that was to show that I can be a sex worker and actually be a normal (whatever that my be) woman just like you dear reader.
...And that is a shame since every day something happens in this family.. the things I could tell you..........  but I can't and I won't.

It's too personal you see.. my life outside of the life  where I meet up with strangers (and some of them not strangers any more) and have fun of a sexual nature.  It's my personal and private life which I value above all.

My family are my world, no matter what they get up to, or how they might behave towards 'Mum', they are what I live for and they are people I love very much.  I don't want to put them at risk, so the blog stopped becoming personal and more political.

We all of us are entitled to have some form of privacy, whether that be locking the toilet door, or having a blog, or having a sex life which nobody knows about.
We are all entitled to safety at work, and that does not preclude me as a sex worker, but sadly some people do not think that when a lady says 'NO', that she means it.  Some people think if you are a  sex worker, you can't be raped !  Can you believe that !  Some people think that if a woman goes out alone in the evening, she is asking for 'it'.. whatever 'it' may be.

Some people have archaic views don't they?

Being a woman who chooses to be a sex worker, means I have to act responsibly. There has to be a line between my home life and my secret life.
When you do this for a living discretion plays a large part of  your work, but also you have to let somebody know where you are, so you can feel safe in the knowledge that someone knows how to find you if you did not come home. ..so that you are not alone.  You owe it to your family to stay safe, not just because  you don't want to hurt them, but also because you don't want to expose them to something they might not approve of.

This maxim applies to all single ladies no matter where they live or where they socialise, it's about keeping in touch and keeping safe.

When Claudia Lawrence  went missing in 2009 it did cross my mind that she may be a sex worker. It was muted at that time, that she had a secret life away from her family, and that there were men in her life that her family did not know about.  
The photo they released of Claudia showed a very attractive smiling woman. She could have worked, who knows?  Only Claudia can tell us if she did.
Given her location, I did wonder if she had got herself mixed up with people from this industry who have a reputation for approaching ladies and helping them to get to work.
I looked at lots of profiles, and never saw anything that looked even remotely like her - even though lots of us do not show our faces, I did not see a single profile that made me go back and examine in more detail.  
Over time, I never heard anything mentioned by anyone anywhere, not even on the forums, and I decided that  in my opinion she had probably not done this sort of work, and that the reason she had gone missing was something entirely different and probably a whole lot simpler, and closer to home.

There was a lot of media coverage involved and her father made a number of appeals on TV begging anyone who knew anything to come forward and put his family out of their misery.
The trail went cold and then suddenly, the case started up again.   Men were arrested because a cigarette butt was discovered with DNA on it in her car, and police began to dig in gardens, lifting patios.. and then it all seemed to go cold again.

Now it seems that people have been lying to police investigating her disappearance.  I just wish there could be some form of closure for her poor family.

I wish she had not led this secret life, and could have been a bit more open - about her friendships, and her social life - with her family.  Who knows, what has happened could have been avoided.

A single girl is vulnerable no matter what she does, whether she works like I do, or is simply going about her business.  We owe it to our loved ones to take a little more care of ourselves because we are all precious to someone, no matter who we are or what we do.

I hope her family eventually manage to find some peace in their lives.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Violence Against Women

They call it VAW.  I had to look it up. Don't you find that when they tag a phrase with it's capital letters that it somehow validates the translation and sort of makes it 'true' even when it may or may  not be?  Why not call something as awful as this simply what it is - 'Violence Against Women'.

When you listen to the news and they come out with the names of unions and the like, we are expected to be 'on the case' and know what the offending letters mean !

I did not know what VAW means but I do now.

VAW is something that modern day folks publicly abhor.  We are living in a much more equal society thse days apparently aren't we?  If the PC brigade are to be believed then we are.  What a shame that in practice and away from the TV cameras, and hugely in the workplace where women are treated as equals, VAW is wholly unacceptable and would not, could not happen, and so the rest of us are led to believe that this is our state of being

The sad reality is that is does happen and goes unreported since women protect the very individuals who practice this phenomenon regularly in their own homes as an instance. Do please 'get' my irony here:)

Don't believe me?  That's your choice.

I can give you stats.  This blog post would go on infinitum if I typed them all out !  I can provide links for you to read if you can be bothered...........  Here's one:-

Facts about Violence

Here's another:-

WHO report into Violence

And another:-

End Violence against women



I'm not saying this, because I am not a politician.  I'm telling you what I have learned when I look into the subject of violence towards women.  I read the stats.  Three million women per year experience violence of some sort every year here in the UK.  Sixty thousand young girls are at risk of female genital mutilation here !   That's FGM for those in the know.  Yes  - here.  Not in Africa but here in the UK.

Evey six minutes a woman is raped in Britain. Sexual harassment and bullying are routine in UK schools.

This is VAW.

I am a sex worker.  I see men for a fee.  I see men I have never met before and take their appointments on trust.  I have recently become a little more fearful for my safety and security, simply because of the way some of the prospective clients write to me, and also because of the way some men behave when they come to see me.

I have been doing this for over ten years.  In that time I have worked at a particular end of the market which has in some ways protected me since I come at a price which a lot of men would not pay for differing reasons.  Some can't afford me, some won't afford me and there are some who think because I am older that I have a cheek expecting men like them to pay a premium when they can get younger girls for less money and obviously rate them above me.  My rate stops that type of man from seeing me so there is a method here.

Dontcha love those misogynists!

I also manage my own business so I speak to the potential clients on the phone.  I read and answer my own emails, and I word my website in such a way that makes it clear what I want to do, and what I won't do.

It still does not protect me from the stranger with an agenda walking in through my door, but it goes a long way to make sure that this man standing here is someone I am happy to see.

I won't accept an appointment from anyone who emails me in a flippant way.  This is my choice.  This job is a learning process, and you do learn something new every day - cliche?  Perhaps, but cliches are that for a reason aren't they!

I have met with idiots who think they can do this or that, and what they want to do is fine since they are paying me.  Early days I would put up with having my limbs bent into positions that put me at risk, and never see that man again.
I would warn anyone locally about this person, but you know what?  Some ladies are more tolerant than others, and some ladies will do things with a client that I would rather die first than have to do.

Violence is subjective.  What one working lady considers to be a 'part of the job', another lady would never agree to.  Violence can be horny in some scenarios, but the real violence against women which is what I am talking about today is none of these things.

Violence against women is not exclusive to men.

I am lucky.  I love my life.  I have choices.  I choose who I see and when I see them.  If I have a client who oversteps any mark, I don't see them any more.

 I decided not to see one certain client again because he is extremely physical, and although I have seen him lots of times, the mere thought of seeing him again made me feel sad.  He contacted me recently and I saw him one more time.  I knew that I had made a mistake in seeing him as I derived no pleasure at all from his antics, and won't accept any more appointments.

If I was a trafficked girl from say Lithuania or Romania as prime examples of girls who are forced to work against their will by pimps who bring them over here with the promise of work; only to find out they are expected to have sex with men...  if I were one of these girls I would have no choice in the matter and I would have to put up with anyone who comes through the door.

There is violence within this industry.  Make no mistake about it.  Guys who go to Prague or Holland on stag weekends and sleep with prostitutes might think they are having fun, but the girl who sees hundreds of men per day is not.  This life might be better than the life she had back home, but the men and women who pimp her could not care less if she lived or died, so if while she is working she encounters some guy who is less than kind, shall we say........  who is there to look after her when it is over?

And violence is not just about hitting someone is it?

I saw a man a few weeks ago who decided it might be a great idea to make me squirt.  He hurt me inside.  He thought it was fun.  He did not ask if he could do this to me, he just started ramming his fingers in to my body.  I had to stop him.  It was after he had left that I discovered he had hurt me, and it took a week for the pain to go.

I can tell you now that he won't be coming back.  This was a small example of someone who did what he wanted because he was paying.  I have read reviews on ladies who seemed reluctant to do anything in the room and the punter was so angry that he hammered the fuck out of her to get his money's worth.  That, to me - is violence.

What one man considers to be fine, another would be horrified at.

Anyone who is involved in this industry who stands up and says that this sort of thing does not happen, and appoints them self as a some form of representative of women sex workers is either deluded or a liar or both, because violence against sex workers does happen.  In fact it is happening now as I write.


I found this article written by Ruth Jacobs to be really interesting.  I do agree that any violence against a sex worker is a hate crime and should be identified as such by the police.  It opens up the debate about some punters who resent the prostitute they are seeing.

Not all punters out there are as nice as the ones I see :).

If you think you have seen a working girl who is a victim of any form of violence, whether it be physical, mental or living in bad conditions, looking as if she is starved or detached from reality, then don't you think it might be a good idea to report this to crime stoppers?  You can do this anonymously.

The only way to stop this sort of thing is to vote with your feet and report what you have seen - that is if you care anything about women at all.




Sunday, 15 February 2015

Valentines...............

Valentine's day is for lovers.
Valentine's day provides the ideal opportunity to tell the person you love - that you love them.  This may be your one and only opportunity to say or show this since you do actually, really love them, but have difficulty saying it for one reason or another.

And... you can do it in so many different ways as well..............  a card perhaps, or flowers or choccies; a meal, the cinema, or something more adventurous even...  but whatever you do, even if you want to do something sexually and involve a third person (like me)............  please do it with the one you love and not just with a working girl, because you know what?    We don't really love you.

You can see me anytime you like, and I promise we will have fun amongst the other stuff, but the person who loves you deserves better, don't you think?

I have clients who I am fond of.  Most of them are married men.  I want them to be happy.  I want their marriages to work and I want this because I like them as people.

I believe in marriage, but it takes two to make a marriage work, and it is a job for life; and it can be hard work.  It is so easy to give up on your marriage when you have a willing friend such as me, but I am not the answer.  I am merely a distraction, an amusement, a confidante even, but I am not the person who loves you baby x

Just a belated thought.........

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Why does self respect and dignity fly out of the window?

Easy...  when money is involved.

I'm a firm believer in excellence speaking for itself.  If you build up a good reputation as a tradesman, you will never need to advertise because your work will do that for you.  People will recommend your work to their friends and acquaintances, and it is this sort of tradesman that I can never get hold of !

I have lost count of the amount of tradesmen who have had the temerity to enter my home and 'work' in it and been less than excellent, after having told me they would undertake to do a good job.  And that's me being diplomatic :)

Oh boy have I had some humdingers who have done a crap job of work and expected to be paid for it, not accepting responsibility for anything that goes wrong after they have left................

However I'm not talking about tradesmen here.. I'm talking about ladies who are in the same line of business as myself.  I will not say 'ladies like me' as there is nobody like me.  I am not saying I am any better or worse than anyone else, but in this business we all have different gifts and no one girl is like any other.

I am reluctant to link up with other ladies or to recommend them to anyone since I don't know how they work when they are with a client, and how they work is nothing to do with me.

I concentrate on ,my own business.  I always try to be my best.  If the client is a nice person I will want him to return.  It's safer for one thing, and easier in that I do not have to go through the rigmarole of sounding him out and  giving out directions.

I have a great rep as a working girl.  I deserve that rep because I feel that I give good service at all times.  Don't just take my word on thiss.  I have excellent reviews from people who have seen me -  testimonials if you like

Other working girls try to latch on to my good name by being sly on their websites.  One such lady has a question and answer form on her site.  She uses that form herself by asking herself questions and then answering them  Good eh?

More than once she has asked herself questions about me...  do you know her, would you do a duo with her..  type of thing, and then she answers herself by saying she does not know me but has heard of me, and would do a duo if I would..............

(I would have to fancy her to work with her, and for me personally she is not fanciable at all.  Her bottom is not peachy like mine :)

Put me into Google and guess whose name comes up in the pages??  You got it.  Isn't that a clever way of getting noticed !

You have to hand it to people like her for getting away with that.  However, I don't want to be associated with her, and I wrote to her telling her so, and asking politely if she would remove the blurb from her site.
You see,  people were asking me if I worked with her and I did not know why, until I saw what she had done.
Oh I was very nice about it - polite and friendly.  I told her I work alone and don't want the association.
She ignored me!  The brass neck of her !

 I wrote again a little more firmly this time and again she ignored me.
I ended up asking her why she thought it was acceptable to ride on my 'fame' as it were and again she ignored me.  I gave up.  She must have wanted 'me' badly :)

Sometimes the Internet is very annoying.

I would like to state here and now that I do not recommend this person to anyone and if you want a reason why, then you need your brains testing.

To the offending 'lady' I would say,  why don't you have any self respect?  Build up your own reputation and then you won't have to ride on the back of someone who does not deserve a parasite like you attempting to get work off another girl's good name.






Tuesday, 10 February 2015

I've changed the way I work

it has become a gradual thing... but once something falls into place it kind of becomes the norm......... and so...

I no longer come out to visit people unless I have met them before.  This means I don't make out calls to hotels or anywhere else for that matter, unless we have met already.  In calls are different.  All I expect from a guy wishing to see me is a half decently written email and we are good to go.

If I receive an email from a man asking me what my rates are, I know he hasn't even bothered to look properly, and I give him short shrift. I am lacking tolerance where idiots are concerned these days.  In shot - I've become picky.

I've been working like this for ages now, but what has made me feel more cagey about this is the amount of crazed people we hear about on the news every day, and I take people on trust in this job - always have done.

I'm feeling reluctant to meet certain people who email.   I don't mean everyone who sends an email - let me make it clear - these are people who have seen me on the adult work site and then email me using my own email address.  I've started to wonder why they don't contact me through the medium they saw me on and the only conclusion I come to is that they don't want to leave feedback - or they are dodgy and have negative feedback or something to hide ?

I am sounding a bit paranoid here I know..  however I have had a few odd emails of late, and the content of some of them has made me feel uneasy about meeting the author, especially when they say they saw me on AW.

I am not for one minute saying that that site is the holy grail, but there is a small comfort in knowing that the guy who is asking to see you has been seen by other ladies and they have given him the OK.

I have my own website.  If a man sees me there and emails, then hey that is what my site and the email system is for..  but for him to see me elsewhere and then send a random email saying so, this gets my mind working overtime.

I have to look after me. No-one else will.

I don't ask them to use the booking system.  I do not demand they do this and I certainly don't demand feedback.  None of that is important to me, but my safety is, and also my peace of mind.

Why can't people be upfront and honest in the way they go about things?  If you are a man thinking of seeing  lady like me, the last thing you would want to do is scare her off or annoy her !

Pah !